Football is ultimately intended to be a form of entertainment. But things can get pretty intense on a forum like Hogs Haven as passionate fans debate the latest mock draft, and argue about what their team’s GM has to do at each pick to avoid disaster and elevate the team to perennial championship contenders.
To lighten the air a little, on the eve of the big event, I give you the All-Name Team for the 2026 draft.
Regular commenters who follow dg28’s weekly Future Hogs updates throughout the NFL season will know that I am a big fan of the creativity that goes into naming many of the college prospects coming through the pipeline.
I am not the first to highlight the unusual, comical, and sometimes crazy names of NFL draft prospects. As I was pulling together the position group roundups that I published over the past few weeks, I kept notes on some of the more outlandish names I came across. And that gave me the idea for this piece. To help help readers kill the time before the draft, without rehashing the same debates about which player to pick 7th overall, the wisdom of picking an RB in the top 10, trading back vs sticking, or the timeless classic, BPA vs need, I decided to put my own spin the “best names in the draft class” concept.
The All-Name Team is a complete NFL roster composed of prospects in the 2026 draft with the most unusual, amusing or otherwise interesting names. To make it as topical to Commanders fans as possible, I’ve included as many players as I could who might actually find their way onto Washington’s roster, or would be good scheme fits. However, being a good armchair GM, I had to remain mindful of maximizing value with each selection. When faced with a choice, I always prioritized name talent over team need.
I started off with the intention of keeping to the number of players at each position on an NFL roster. But I lost discipline for two reasons. First, the 2026 draft is deep in name talent at some positions, such as LB and CB, and thin at others, including QB and TE. Secondly, there were just too many great names to cut it down to 28 players (11 offense & defense + 6 special teamers).
The end result is a highly selected roster of players, who might not be able to defeat the DC Defenders, but would certainly make it an entertaining game to watch.
Grayson Loftis, Charlotte – Pocket passer who puts a lot of air under the ball on deep throws
Le’Veon Moss, Texas A&M – I don’t see how you can go wrong with this particular combination at an offensive skill position. Just hope he doesn’t hold out for a contract extension.
Savion Red, Sacramento State – Could be good value to pick up after the draft, at Liquor Barn.
Mareyohn Hrabowski, Western Michigan – I have never met anyone named Mareyohn. How about you? This gets extra style points for the easily pronounced ‘Hr’ combination to start the last name. And of course, anything with a ‘zcy’, ‘cz’ or ending in -owski is going to be a good fullback name.
Dakota Twitty, Virginia – If football doesn’t work out, there is a career ahead of him in country music.
Germie Bernard, Alabama – Great receiver and occasional rushing weapon, just remeber to mask up and wipe down in the locker room.
Jacob de Jesus, California – With Noah Brown gone, Jayden Daniels needs a new Hail Mary target.
Squirrel White, Florida State (Slot) – Who guessed that Squirrel is a 5’9”, 177lb speedy slot receiver/return specialist? Great name, but not a great receiver. Squirrel turned up as the low outlier in the Catch Rate Over Expectation analysis for my wide receivers roundup, early in the draft season. I suppose it’s not too surprising that he struggles to catch the ball with those tiny paws and no opposable thumbs.
Dametrious Crownover, Texas A&M – A big name for a big man to protect the QB’s blind side.
Isaiah World, Oregon – An even bigger name at swing tackle
Reuben Fatheree II, Texas A&M – Dametrious’ book end is the paternal type.
Fa’alili Fa’amoe, Wake Forest – This name has an infectious rhythm to it. Repeat it a few times and you’ll see what I mean. Also, I’m a sucker for Polynesian names with multiple apostrophes between vowels. And you can never have enough islanders in the trenches.
J.P. Benzschawel, Wisconsin – Five consonants in a row just roll off the tongue.