Good morning. We’ll be back to talk about horseshoes and NIL as soon as I can get out from under this mountain of grading and this new book of mine. Exciting times in the MNW household.
Tonight, I’m told, begins the NFL Draft. People really care about this.
So let’s tell you what Big Ten players could be drafted tonight and what you should know about them.
Expected Draft Position (Team): 1 (Las Vegas Raiders)
Profile/What to Know: Corny. Maintains a LinkedIn profile. Might be earnest about it, which makes it all cringier, somehow.
Reaction: Can’t wait to see Kirk Cousins 2.0 crash and burn under the tutelage of…….Kirk Cousins.
Expected Draft Position (Team): 2? (Is this where the Jets draft? I haven’t looked. I just assume.)
Profile: definitely has arms, legs. Rangey. Gamey. Pairs well with a nice Shiraz.
Profile: wait, didn’t we just do an Ohio State linebacker?
Why here? Apparently the second-best linebacker in the draft. Would be a bummer to not even be the best linebacker at your school, but I’m sure he can console himself with a 2026 national championship.
Who drafts him? Whoever drafts 5ish. Was Tennessee bad last year? Cleveland?
What needs does he fill? Starts with psychological needs and safety, is working on fulfilling relationships and love.
Why is THIS one good? Hard hitter, considerate lover.
Draft Position: 2nd, Hamburg Dragons (pick rights passed from Portsmouth Spartans) — traded to Washington Commanders (7th pick)
whoops ran out of time here’s your open thread anyway I’m sure someone’s gonna draft Preston Stone tonight byeeeee